tunnel vision

the road of the future is winding, obscure and dark.
the snake that sinks its fangs into my dreams.
it takes me away from the oceans and speakers that once kept my life
calm and placid.
I am the tree uprooted, the abandoned baby on the doorstep next to the
morning paper.
new beginnings have no spiritual guidelines.
beaten and restless
guilt ridden and faithless
I miss the rigidity of the hour and wonder if I would've been
different.
"the last lap is seriously tunnel vision"
the other three before it are blind faith.
you are the only sweetheart for me but you sing almost too off key.
we bleed with distaste but we bathe in our dirty habits.
can't shake you, can't shake you, can't shake you.
there were moments when I thought our hearts collided but the force of
your hips sent me packing the other way.
there is no such thing as love.
it is misguided.
and your brain?
it is sawdust.
the chips float in the air and creep up your nose
like smoke,
like death.
I read every novel until it's dogeared, sad and downtrodden.
your soul,
is it empty?
because I know the ticket to filling yourself up with meaningless
drivel.
pack up your bags and burn your dollar bills.
live a life of irony and chance.
don't fall prey to stupidity.
embrace ambivalence.
break your own heart and hand it out to the highest bidders.
cookie cutter society.
build it back up from the ground.
no one ever really has you all the way.
continuous.
and when you break,
you're only very bent in different directions.

pier and hair and work and geneseo is finally here

I guess I can start writing my heart out onto the page more.
--casinoroyale

and just when you think you have it all

you freefall into the ravine with all your hopes and dreams trapped
under your feet.
the monster eats its way through the metal of your blood.
god help me, god please me or just tease me.
we aren't made for anything but jealousy and grandiose charades.
here, I don't want this innocence.
take it, you can have it.
I beg you.
fists on the table, veins standing out.
seeds of misery sown in the ground at your feet.
oh she was never good enough, no she was never ever good enough.
all the pretty words can't save you from yourself.
you weave a gallant web but its only a matter of time before you get
caught up in it.
her flesh eats itself off the bone in anticipation.
laid bare for anyone who will feed its attention.
distractions for social reactions.
the lepers of society flock to her rotting flesh like beggars to quarter
dollars.
where is the quaint, laughable gentleman to save her?
he isn't ever there, he's too busy chasing the skirts of town sluts,
town wrecks, town insert another insult here.
she isn't the town anything.
she has been far above this town, far above the manipulation.
she has her own games to play.
right in between the lines, she sticks the pen in his third eye.
the game is kill your captor.
unfortunately you've captured my heart.
bleed it dry.
no use when it shrivels up and mangles like an amputee's useless limb.
hearts are useless.
they only get us into trouble.
its all about which baby is the best baby.
baby, maybe you should put out for me.
but god gifted me with a sense of the unexpected along with these
words.
sink into winter chill,
graft it to your bones.
learn to live it out,
learn to cope with growing old.
you have handfuls of me,
but you will never have me.
hard to understand over the overflow of superfluous sentences that are
emptier than hollywood souls.
you are my coke habit.
only a matter of time before I need reconstructive nasal surgery.
keep me in my head for a little while longer and chop me up.
but you always looked beautiful when you tried to hide those nosebleeds.