what a dance mix does to my brain

right now, i feel a little too fuzzy around the edges. i wonder if i'll just pixelate, dissolve back into the airwaves. i miss a lot of things, most of them being things i will never admit. insomnia's coming back full-fledged, like those days when i went for days bingeing on holiness, and by holiness i mean the nightlife that caught me in between its jaws and chewed me up. spit me out. i fell far down but someone caught me by the ankle before my head could hit the rocks at the bottom. but even if i'm caught, i shook out of that grasp pretty quickly, because i've got to stop "drinking the kool-aid." too debauched for this, genuineness doesn't agree with my stomach, but all the liquor you give me will calm me right back down. i prescribe to disposable pleasures, sometimes fancying myself to be a regular casanova, explicit and uncompromising. i believe that no one will ever love this, because there's a monster trapped inside of me just waiting to rear its ugly head out of my skin. it's late and i'm waiting for you to come back to me, just so i can turn you away in the next few seconds. i relish the power i have, bask in the loneliness that suits me. even if it might eat me alive soon enough...